Sunday, February 18, 2018

Get LOST

 
My son Nash is 14, going on 15. Not yet a full blown teenager, but certainly no longer a kid. For lack of a better term, I like to consider this stage, the “First Trimester” of his Teenage Years.
 
As such, all the warning signs have made their appearance:
 
Interest in girls – [Check]
Acne – [Check]
Moodiness – [Discount Double Check]
 
The first two items on this list are being handled; the first by the expert tutelage of his father, and the second by the dermatologist. The 3rd item however, is the one truly giving me fits...
 
This weekend’s Mammoth Trip is a pretty good example of this: Nash is never rude, mean, or disrespectful, but he will often enter into what I call, “Full Zombie Mode”. Glassy eyes. Constantly furrowed brows. A mumbling monotone voice. And exudes about as much enthusiasm as a wet dishrag or a pair of Dockers khakis.
 
Saturday morning was especially tough for me. Nash woke up in “Full Zombie Mode” and continued to be Walking Dead for much of the day. Taking his cue, I in turn, morphed into a lovely version of the “Overbearing, Overly-Critical Father”. Suffice to say, portions of that day were NOT fun. For either of us...
 
As a Dad, is it my responsibility to correct and guide my kid on how to act and how to behave? Sure it is...
 
But I make sure that those corrections, and those discussions, are NEVER AT THE EXPENSE OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
 
I will ALWAYS put the relationship with my son FIRST AND FOREMOST over any amount of instruction, correction, guidance, or any other nonsense we parents think is important.
 
Nash eventually came around. And he repeatedly tried reaching out to me with tiny white flags. But I wasn’t ready. I was still too frustrated. And because of my own stubbornness, I definitely kept Nash in the “Hurt Locker” for far too long…
 
Later that day, when we had a quiet moment, I went to Nash. And apologized… I said many of the things that I described above. How OUR RELATIONSHIP meant way more to me than “his behavior”. And that I never wanted anything to come between him and I. But even before that… I led the whole encounter with a warm embrace and a “I love you”.
 
Things are good between Nash and I. I love the relationship we have. But I also don’t take that for granted...
 
"So Kyle. What’s with the picture of the LOST DVDs?"
 
Good question... As a parent, I’m always looking for activities that my kids and I can do TOGETHER. Things we can sink our teeth into and can enjoy equally. A great way to do this, is by sharing your individual interests with your children. That’s something that I’ve done with my kids for all their lives.
 
Case in point; my kids have all read my original copies of Harry Potter and assorted fantasy novels. They still re-read all my old comic books, and going to the Comic Shop has turned into a “Wong Thing”. We all love Anime Movie Night, musicals, and playing old school 8-Bit 2D video games. We watch some TV together but that's not a thing yet...
 
Which brings me to “LOST”. LOST is one of my all time favorite TV shows. And I kinda miss it... So, I thought, “How cool would it be to re-watch the series of LOST?” And then I thought, “How cool would it be to re-watch LOST with my son Nash and introduce to him the mysteries of The Island?”
 
This not merely a “Parent” thing. I’m genuinely excited to dive back into this world and bring my son along for the ride! I can’t wait for the discussions that will surely ensue. “Dad, what is the light coming from the hatch?” “What happens if he stops pushing the button?”
 
My relationship with Nash will continue to evolve over time. I know that. But for now, Nash and I are going to get “LOST”. And I’m sure our relationship will be all the better for it…

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Ukelele for McKenna

 
My kids don’t ask for a lot. They rarely pester me for the “latest and greatest” anything… And from my side as a parent, I rarely if ever, force my kids to do anything they really don’t wanna do. Sure, earlier on, I exposed them to all sorts of ball sports and activities, but never for more than 1 season if they did not wish to continue of their own volition…

And while I’ve never been out rightly criticized for my laisses faire attitude toward my kids, I’ve certainly received... the occasional “eye roll” from various parents over the years.

But as more and more time passed, even I, began to question this “free-range” approach to raising my children. Up till a few years ago, I had not yet seen my kids develop their own individual interests or passions as quickly as I had hoped. At this point, I had to take a hard look at the culture I was creating. I was forced to consider that the approach I was taking as a parent, was simply NOT working…

Fast Forward to today, and I can happily say that these last 2 years or so, have been the “funnest” for me as a parent.

Without prodding and without warning, my kids’ identity and interests have slowly begun to manifest. I never thought of my kids as vocal “Choir” kids. But here we are, with 2 soloists at the last winter concert. I’ve always had a love of musical theatre. But to be able to pass that down to my kids, and then to have the opportunity to watch them act and sing on stage warms my soul way more than chicken soup ever could.

Just last week, McKenna asked me for something. And she NEVER asks me for anything…
The girl wants to learn to play Ukelele. I want to jump through my skin, but I keep my innards in place and say to her calmly, “Research it, figure out if this is something you really wanna do, and how much it might cost.” I had already silently clicked “Buy It Now” in my head, but I couldn’t let her know that… By the end of that same day, she had already learned how to tune the instrument, watched several beginner lessons online, and prepared an information packet for me. For those who haven’t met her, McKenna is a small honey badger when she sinks her teeth into something…

That night, McKenna presents the information she’s gathered and makes her argument (like that was even needed). She directs me to a Ukelele on Amazon and says “I like this one, but I don't want to spend too much money.” Yup... My daughter is indeed Chinese. I then take that information, throw it out, and of course buy her the better model twice that amount, because that is my right as her daddy…

The Ukelele arrived via UPS today at noon. McKenna is nowhere to be seen. She only comes out of her room occasionally to eat and go to the bathroom. With strumming and humming, coming from down the hall, I am a Happy Dad...

Thursday, November 16, 2017

5 years and 50


I had my annual check-up today.

And as it's generally gone for the past couple of years, the doctor and I talk more about the weather than we actually do my health. At this point, I think it's very likely that I've taken my good health for granted...

"Hey Betty, how are you? How are the kids?"

"Terrible!" the nurse at the reception desk replies.

"Oh, I'M FINE." she quickly clarifies. "But the kids? TERRIBLE!"

We both laugh. And so it begins... Another year. Another "physical." More discussions about the weather...

I know it's going to be a few minutes, so I plop into the first available chair, and go full "Zombie Mode" on my phone until they call me up. After what seemed to be 20 or so Facebook minutes, Betty is already walking me back. I get weighed in. I get my blood pressure taken, with Betty tallying up all my numbers like I'm some prize cattle at the fair... That's when Dr. Ho decides to make his grand entrance. And like every time before, we greet each other and immediately begin to discuss all things weather. We actually take turns lamenting how hot it's been lately while Dr. Ho nods and gathers up my chart. But eventually the chit chat slows down, and then stops.... From there, I just watch as Dr. Ho proceeds to flip page after page. Each subsequent page flip adding deepening creases and lines to my poor doctor's face...

After what seemed like an eternity, Dr Ho finally remarks, "So, your weight is 167 pounds. Is that correct?"

"Yup" I answer back. "That's what I always seem to weigh these days."

Dr. Ho again starts flipping sheets. "Yeah, but... Hmmm."

"What?" I ask.

"You're 50 now."

"Yup" I answer.

"And you lost over 100 pounds. Correct?"

"Yup."

"And how long has it been since your dramatic weight loss?"

"5 years. So basically since 2012. Why?" I ask. My curiosity piqued.

"I'm looking at your chart and... In 2012, you weighed 167. And once again in 2013, you weighed that exact amount of 167."

Dr. Ho continues to call the numbers out,

"2014: 167
 2015: 167
 2016: 167

And now in 2017: Exactly 167."

"Yup. That sounds about right," obviously clueless as to the point my doctor is trying to make.

Dr. Ho then gives me one of those smiles a parent saves for when chiding a small child... "Considering that you are now Fifty years old. Factor in the considerable amount of weight you lost. And now add the fact that you have not fluctuated even ONE pound in 5 years? Don't you find that kind of... Remarkable?"

*shrug*

"I guess so" I lamely answer...

Dr. Ho laughs out loud. "Well, I find what you've been able to do quite remarkable even though you clearly don't!" And with that, we laugh, shake hands, and end our brief time together...

But as soon as I arrive at my car, I pause and take a moment to digest the information I was just given. "Is what I've been able to achieve truly REMARKABLE?" Inwardly, I groan in protest... But if I want an honest assessment of what I've done and where I've been, I need to stay as objective as possible. So with that, I go to the science...

Do you know what the success rate is for an individual to achieve a significant amount of weight loss, and then keep that weight off for a period of 5 years? I don't even have to look it up. I know it by heart.

It's 5%... Only 5% of people who attempt to lose weight, actually accomplish it, and keep it off for a span of 5 years.

And with that statistic looming over my head, I simply cannot deny that these following statements are indeed true:

*I have successfully lost over 100 pounds.

*I've been able to maintain my weight for a period of 5 Years.

*I am currently 50 years old.

*I am now in a select 5% of people who can actually say they have lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off.

And while membership in the 5% might make some proud. In a lot of ways, it just makes me sad... I know what it feels like to be part of that 95% failure rate. It's not fun, let me tell you... In a perfect world, I just wish everyone could be blessed with the same amount success I've been lucky enough to achieve.

Oh! I forgot!

Toward the end of our appointment, my doctor did ask me one more question. As I was walking out, Dr. Ho leans in furtively, like somehow a spy organization might be listening, "So what are you doing that seemingly everyone else is NOT?"

Good question.



While my approach was certainly different than most, I think the MAIN REASON I've been successful where maybe others haven't is:

I was able to create a healthy lifestyle for me, that I simply LOVE living...

I enjoy every day of my life right now. I enjoy every bite of food I eat. I enjoy being a part of the world and my place in it. I love the fact that at my age, I am more than capable to engage in any FUN or STUPID activity that might come my way. Because of my good health, the world is WIDE OPEN to me. And for that, I am humbled... and eternally grateful.

So where's the Action Step? What can a person do to start their own journey?

*I write this particular section specifically for those who are deep in the struggle as I once was... To those who are suffering, know that I understand... And as YOUR first step, I lovingly implore you to just STOP: Stop beating yourself up. Stop hating your body. Stop saying hateful things to yourself that you would never dare say to another person. Take a ginormous breath, and then exhale. Give yourself the GRACE you truly deserve. Find forgiveness within yourself and for yourself. Learn to Love You. BE the person that's ahead of you, not the person behind. Then... Do something you've always wanted to do. Be silly for no reason. Have fun in ways that make absolutely no sense. Seek out the things in life that will indeed bring you true happiness.*

Look, we all want to lose weight. I get that. But at the end of the day,

This journey is NOT about LOSING WEIGHT. It's about GAINING HEALTH. And ACQUIRING the ability to live out your best life possible... THAT my friends, is what it's all about.

So, for your first Action Step: Start by taking SMALL, PRACTICAL, INTENTIONAL steps toward improving your health. Things like: Going to sleep earlier. Taking a daily walk. Switching from Coke to Water. Playing basketball with friends. It really does matter. It all matters, however small...

Start there.

I can't encourage you enough in this. My heart is brimming with excitement for the rest of your journey...

Picture your best life. Start building it. Invent and Create your new normal. Automate these newly formed habits so you can perform them without thinking or stress. Then just lean into it... Live. Ride. Embrace. Love...

Happy Trails my friends,

Kyle

PS: If you don't know my original story, you can keep scrolling down for my older posts, you can use Google for a few more available links, or use the link provided below for a quick well done video recap. 

http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2016/01/05/resolution-revolution-find-your-5-foods-to-lose-weight/


http://SANESolution.com

Friday, July 28, 2017

Kindness Matters


I've always believed that KINDNESS MATTERS... But today, I was gently reminded of that lesson. Here's the story:

This is Me and Pilar. Pilar is my friend and pen pal. We're actually Very New pen pals as we've only exchanged one letter apiece. A few Sundays ago, I ran into Pilar and invited her to a Calligraphy class my friend was holding. Pilar was willing, but needed a ride. And of course, I am that guy...

The day finally comes around, and I go to pick up Pilar. She greets me with a warm smile, and beckons me into her tiny apartment. I poke my head in, and all around the room are Pilar's trinkets and treasures. Clearly, my friend surrounds herself with the things she loves...

Pilar smiles at me, and says, "Do you see it???" I actually do not. So I turn toward where she's facing,

then I see it...

And in that moment, my HEART BREAKS... but in a good good way.

In the ONE and ONLY letter I wrote to Pilar, I had also included the most recent family photo of The Wongs...

Sitting right up on Pilar's mantle, next to her beloved trinkets and treasures, was The Wong Family Picture I had sent her.

Pilar had framed it.

She had placed OUR picture upon her mantle, next to all the other things she loves...



I look up with misty eyes, and Pilar is there smiling like a Cheshire Cat. She couldn't wait to show me that...

Life lesson time: If you ever come upon a situation where you think that you wouldn't make a difference, or that random acts of kindness are reserved for Helpful Honda folk, THINK AGAIN.

This one little letter earned me a spot onto Pilar's mantle, and into her life... Love was shared in both directions. Both gifts received. Both gifts cherished...

Wiping my eyes, I give Pilar my next gift. The gift of 3 letters... One Introduction Letter from each of my 3 children. Pilar takes the letters reverently into her hands, and places them upon the mantle as if they were seemingly made of gold...

And in a closing bit of comedy, Pilar then gives me her next gift. Hidden inside a blue gift bag, is a musical instrument of sorts, shaped like a FROG? I express my thanks and ask how it's played. Then she says to me,

"Sing a song."

I'm like, "Really? Right now?" She says, "Right now!"


I set all embarrassment aside and start singing "The Way" by Housefires. And while I'm making a joyful noise, she starts playing "The Frog" right along with me... To have Pilar playing accompaniment on a "frog" and grinning from ear to ear, was Comedy and Beauty all rolled into one. I will always remember that moment...

Pilar will continue to be my friend and pen pal, but every Fire Starts with a Spark.

If I can encourage you in one thing... It would be to Start with the "Spark" of KINDNESS, and I think you'll be surprised by the BLAZE you might ignite. :)

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

That Thing You Do


As parents, we are all looking for that "thing". You know what I'm talking about... That thing. That interest. That sport. That individual passion we all hope our kids develop.

In our quest, we endure each beaten bush. We stand on the sidelines as our kids pick daisies on the soccer field. We sigh as our kid gets hit in the head with yet another tennis ball... But sometimes,

Lightning Does Strike.

From out of the blue, that morning will come. When your kid wakes up before you do, makes her own breakfast AND lunch, and tells YOU, "Hurry up! We are going to be late!"

Take heart parents.

It does happen. Lightning does strike. Not always, but when it does... Man, is it GLORIOUS!

For McKenna, that "thing" is Theatre.



She just loves it... She's been a part of a few productions now, and with every performance, her confidence grows.

And because I'm her parent, I think it's OK to say this: McKenna at this point, is not the most talented actress, nor the most gifted singer in the class.

She isn't. She knows it. And she doesn't care.

In a recent conversation I've had with her, McKenna shared with me how excited she was for Middle School. Because in the fall, she would have the opportunity to audition for the school play. I tried to temper her expectations, saying that it might be tough for her to get a good part as a incoming 6th grader. But then she just smiles at me and says this:

"Oh, I don't care Daddy. I just want to be a PART OF IT. If I don't get a part or make the ensemble, then I will join the crew. And if I don't make crew, I will just help build sets. Dad, I just love being a PART OF IT."

I'm misting up as I type this, because THAT is my girl right there. She is more about community than accolades. More about togetherness than spotlights... Last weekend, McKenna was a PART of her cast family as Ethel P. in Thoroughly Modern Millie.


As a "Thoroughly" biased parent, I thought she was spectacular...

As I told her so, McKenna just shrugs... She doesn't care.

She is just happy to be PART OF IT.

My McKenna has found her "thing". Well, for now at least...


Friday, July 7, 2017

Re-Inventing Furniture: One Piece At A Time


I've been quite busy lately. 

But no matter how busy I get, I will ALWAYS find time to do the things I love... 

And clearly, one of the "things" I love... is seeking out neglected and forlorn furniture, and giving them a new lease on life. 

I refer to this process as "Re-Inventing furniture: One piece at a time."

A few months back, I bought 4 iron and glass Mid-Century end tables at a local estate sale not far from my house. The faded and chipping paint on the bases were what I can only describe as Grapefruit? Well anyways, after weeks of deliberation, design, and sweat equity, I have completed this project. You be the judge, but I like to think that I've done an adequate job reviving these pieces...

The "Design Goal" with these tables was to bring them up to date and into the new modern era. But I also wanted to bring a natural element to the design. I eventually chose to go with wood, however, instead of one solid piece of wood, I decided to go with various planks in a patterned design.

Originally a set of 4, I decided to split the 4 into 2 sets of 2. One being a White set, and one being a Black set. Each table is unique, however the White pair was intended to go together as a set, while as the Black pair is much better suited individually...


Let's look at the White set first...

This is White #1


And White #2

The White Set


Now the Black set...



Black #1

Black #2

The Black Set

And now all together...






In order to assess where we are, let's take a peek at what these tables used to be and the process involved in bringing these tables back to life.

Set of 4 iron and glass tables in a "Grapefruit Yellow"









So that's really about it... 

Overall, I think the Re-Invention of these Mid-Century end tables turned out way better than I could have expected. It was a lot of fun to do, and it was not a difficult job at all. If I find more of these tables, I just might make more just for the fun of it... At the end of the day,  I'm just glad the vision I had for these came together. On to the next project...






Friday, March 31, 2017

2.8 Seconds

Every morning.  
Before I officially roll out of bed.  
I settle myself, and quiet my mind for 2.8 seconds.
In that one breath, I hope to find that moment of clarity where surely all wisdom dwells... With enlightenment just beyond my reach, a prodigious yawn once again overtakes me, and sucks up any available oxygen necessary for further brain function.  
And so is the case this morning, as with every morning before... I got nuthin'.
Shrugging it off as I do all my other failings, my mind drifts to bike riding. My buddy Howard was already shooting up the 605 to meet me. If there was a better way to spend a Tuesday morning than biking and chatting around the Rose Bowl, I don’t know of it. I feel strong today. I feel confident. I had been working out with a fresh vigor lately, and I was ready to Rock This Town!

My first laps around the Rose Bowl were a virtual breeze. Wind through my hair and with legs that never seemed to tire, it finally dawned on me that this is how it feels to be in shape. I smiled with that secret pride in my chest as I continued to circle the venue where I saw my first Journey concert. So bolstered with confidence, we decide to ride through Linda Vista and up to the Colorado Street Bridge. To be honest, I had to look up the official name of the bridge, as everyone around here only refer to it as “Suicide Bridge.”
We work our way up the winding hills, passing home after home we cannot afford. My heart rate quickens. My temples showing the first beads of sweat from the effort. I am absolutely killing it today...
I get so caught up in the zone, I don't even realize that Howard is now nowhere behind me. U-turning back down the hill on my one-speed beach cruiser, I come to find his sorry self slouching over the curb with his shiny new Trek laying unceremoniously on the ground. Superiority washes over me as I feign concern for his plight. I nod in mock empathy as excuses stream out of my friend like water from a fountain. After the unsanctioned rest, we finally pull in to the west entrance of the Colorado Street Bridge. Immediately, I start to scan the landscape for the perfect "Selfie Spot." I find it. The perfect spot.
But as I'm hopping off my bike, I see some hooligan not 20 yards from me looking suspicious. I just stand there as he then climbs over the fence of the bridge, in order to achieve God knows what. Righteous indignation swells up within me. With all the authority invested in me as an Asian Parent, I call out to him saying “What the hell man?” 

Does he even hear me?

With seemingly not a care in the world, the man slowly turns my way. 

Faces me directly.

And smiles...

Our eyes lock. The light of realization finally triggers in my mind. And before I could utter a word, even contemplate a response... With a flick of his wrist in the tiniest of goodbyes, he releases his grip from the fence. Leaps out in a perfectly formed arc. 200 feet down to his death... 
It seems incredibly trite to say that time stood still in that moment. It might be better to say, that in that moment, time had certainly lost all meaning. What seemed like an eternity from the time he let go, until I heard the "crunch" of his body impacting the stones below, was probably only… 2.8 seconds.
I think about that day often... I wonder what he was thinking. I wonder if he was thinking at all. Did he finally get to have his one moment of clarity before he hit the ground? Is there such a thing as a moment of clarity at all? And when you DO find it, what the heck do you do with the thing? Do you frame it and put on the wall next to your “Footsteps” poster? Do you safeguard it and lock it up in a vault? It seems to me that even if wisdom is attained, it must be applied to have any real significance.  

As I look upon my life and the road that sprawls before me, I settle myself down and take 2.8 seconds to quiet my mind.
I am an empty slate waiting for chalk. A Dominos guy waiting for the phone to ring...
And in that moment, the clarity comes:

My future is open.
And in my hands, I hold every infinite possibility...

Thank You my friend. This is the gift you gave to me. I only knew you a split of a second. But for some reason, you intentionally chose in your last moment, to meet me... I still don't understand your decision. And I don't make light of your circumstance. But from this day forward, I promise to be just as intentional as you were with me. To meet others. To touch hearts. If only for 2.8 seconds...