Process

I am Stubborn...  There I said it.  Throughout my life, I just have never been good at receiving criticism and I'm even worse at receiving praise.  As for the reasons why I've come to be this way, it is unclear.  Is it some form of Bravado? Knuckle-headedness? I'm not really sure, I just know that I bristle up like a porcupine in heat whenever anyone tries to tell me how to live my life.  The mere thought of "Self Help" books were laughable to me, but one day my struggles bled to one part of my life that was sacred ground...  My golf game.  Sure, you laugh, but men are simple creatures.  We derive our self worth from either the kind of car we drive, the job we have, the girl we're dating, or our golf handicap...  Each of these categories are the pillars on which men build their self esteem.  So when my golf game was seriously struggling, (Tiger, are you listening)  I broke down and picked up a book to help me work on the mental aspect of the game.  Fast forward to now... Did it help?  Mmmm, in terms of shooting lower scores, maybe a little.   However, contained in that silly little golf book was one principle that has taken up permanent residence within all that I do and how I approach  living my life.  My golf game still kinda sucks, but despite my scores, I seem to enjoy the game more than I have in the past and more importantly, I now feel like I have the freedom to go out and live the life I want to live.

This principle I'm referring to is the simple notion of how to  “Focus on Process. Not Results”  In other words, Stay in the now.  Focus on what you have directly in front of you without worrying about the results or the destination that lies before you.  Free yourself from worrying needlessly about whether your actions will produce "The Desired Result".  It sounds simple, this "Focus on Process", but when done correctly, it can relieve you from all the pressure and unrealistic expectations that is surely intertwined with "Results" and "Goals".

Many times this year, I’ve had to explain myself and defend the path I'm currently taking.  I would often receive quizzical looks and get questions like “What is your Goal? What are you trying to accomplish?” And to that I will say proudly “I don’t have a goal. I’m only focusing on the "Process" of getting better and moving in the right direction." That’s one of the reasons why I have never set a weight loss goal for myself. The plan was to put the blinders on and just focus on the process of losing weight and getting healthy. Wherever that led me from there was OK by me. To my mind, goals are just disappointments waiting to happen. I can’t wait for my next job interview when they ask me if I’m “Goal Oriented” and to that I will honestly reply “Hellz No!” But what I will tell you Mr. Job Interviewer is that I will dedicate myself to the work I have in front of me, own it, and treat it as if it had my name on it.

As you can tell, I hate the term “Goal Oriented” To me, this presumes that there is somewhere a Finish Line and from what I’ve seen so far in life, there simply isn’t one. Is he who finishes with the most toys and the fattest bank account going to finish the race first?  Life is about process... The process of living your life right and making the lives of people around you better. I could care less about winning and competing. Shows like “The Apprentice” just show me the ugliness in people trying to grasp at golden rings that hold nothing but empty shiny-ness… During my stint as a record executive in the music industry, (My Dream Job) I often hung out with the “Mail Room Guys” and it impacted me how happy they truly seemed.  The happiest guy in the bunch had a mortgage and 4 kids at home to support.  I simply couldn't fathom trying to survive, paying the mortgage, and supporting 4 kids all on a mail room salary.  Yet, here he was making it happen with apparent ease.  The pervasive notion of dog eat dog capitalism is shite… As I shook my fist at the sky, ruing my unfortunate circumstances of only making six figures in a corner office, others were making due with much less and living life. I was a fool and I realize that now. While I never really got too caught up in the rat race, it did consume me and spit me out to the point that I am just now making good on all those promises I made for myself all those years.

I can't say that my life is now a heaping bowl of cherries, but I can say that I'm liking the direction my life is heading right now.  While I'm far from any destination called "Success" or "Finish Line",  I'm purely focusing on the task at hand and the plate in front of me.  Speaking of plates... my plate is sadly a little emptier these days, but the good news is that I've lost another 20 pounds since I last blogged and I'm continuing to move in a positive direction.  I honestly don't know what this life has for me, but for now, I'm just going to continue on like Fred Astaire in that one animated Christmas Special where he sang

"Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking out the door"